A Letter to Shiloh's Mom

Dear Shiloh's Mother ,

I watched you and your family on TV last night. At one point you brought tears to my eyes: you were worried that you had been selfish by giving Shiloh the chance to live when the medical community told you that it would be best to terminate Shiloh's little life before she was born. You were again given that choice when, at 6 or years old, Shiloh's one kidney failed and the doctors said you could either give her dialysis-- or not. They implied that not giving her the treatment would be fine, even though they new it would lead to her death.

You were right when you said that the doctors had determined that Shiloh should not be given the chance to live because she could not live a "normal" life. You were right to be horrified. And, you were right to allow her the chance.

I understand your comment, your worry that you had been entirely selfish, that it was your choice to bring Shiloh into this world and by doing that you subjected her to pain and some very hard physical and emotional situations. And, that each time you chose to provide her with life saving procedures and treatment, you were again being selfish. I understand that you think your love for her has made you selfish, too selfish, so selfish that you would ask Shiloh to undergo her hard, hard life, just because you can't bear to loose her.

I understand this because during one of the many trips to the E.R. when my daughter was very young and her life was in danger due to a medical condition, one that without treatment, would have caused her death, I prayed to God. I was completely overcome with how selfish I was being. I wanted my child to live, I loved her so much, I could not bear to loose her and yet I was, once again, watching her struggle to breath, to live. I was watching her become so exhausted that her body might just run out of energy and her muscles that allowed her to breath might just stop. I asked God to let her live, I asked God to take her if it was too much for her, she was suffering, I told Him that I was mortified at my selfishness, but I could not let her die, not if it was my decision. He let her live.

I understand.

You have done exactly what God has asked you to do: you have loved her more than anyone else, you have fought for her, you have been jealous for her life and you have allowed God to do his job-- grant life and take it away. He, right now, wants Shiloh alive on this earth-- she's ALIVE!

Keep doing your job, be jealous for her life, fight for her. She is a special girl, one touched by God, and she touches others in a profound way. God does not grant life so it can be normal, God grants life because He loves, because all life is worthwhile, and sometimes He grants struggles and the life that overcomes them can teach others about how important life is.

May Yahweh bless and keep you all, always, and may you know His peace,
k8t

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