We have a pre-teen, a female pre-teen, a strong-willed, very bright, with a huge vocabulary and very high comprehension pre-teen.
I need help. I really do. She is my oldest and I am out of my league.
The other day she related to me in a very clear manner that my effort and longing to pass along the truths and wonderful words of God, has, instead of drawing her nearer to our creator and our savior, pushed her away. She also told me that it was high-time I stopped being perfect.
Hmmfff.
I was hit, hard, in the gut. I was also very sad. My girl was rejecting me and worse, rejecting God and it was my fault. She was seeing, not who I am, but some apparition of me she had placed on a pedestal. She was seeing the god I saw as as child, the god of "rules and regulations", the god of "the removal of fun" from life. The god who did not solve my problems, who was not at my beck and call and who made mistakes. This was not the god I was trying to describe, trying to share.
I am at a loss as to how I share my joy in knowing there is truth with a capital T, that life is not all relative. How do I share that there is freedom when one knows who YHWH is, who Yeshua is, when one knows who they are because they realize WHO created them and why.
How do I share reality without condemnation? How do I share my hope? How do I live so she knows I am not perfect, but there is One who is?
Really pondering,
k8t
k8t(at)faceofagirl(dot)com
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Please include the following statement on any distributed or linked copy: By Kaet Johnson. © faceofagirl.com. Website: faceofagirl.com
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
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2 comments:
Your post struck me square between the eyes. Firstly, because in a way, I was in your daughter's position, spiritually speaking. Secondly, I know at some point, probably in about 5-6 years I will be going through the same thing with my beautiful daughters. Thirdly, it always hurts to see others, particularly our own children, make the same mistakes we did/do. Although, with the age my kids, how many mistakes can they make? ;-)
You have much more experience on the parenting thing than I do, so I'm afraid I can't offer any advice.
I'd be happy to send you my conversion story, because it talks about how I came back to the Father and might provide some hope. Although I took a long time to come around.
Perhaps you have done all that you are able right now. You have set the foundation and have pointed her in the right direction in terms of her faith journey. She needs to follow her own path. Hopefully her path does not follow the wide swings of a cosine, looking for truth where only shadows of the Truth are.
Perhaps our job at this point is to try and help or do what we can to attenuate those swings and detours from the path.
When I started my faith journey back to the church, someone I greatly respect although I knew her only briefly, told me something that has impacted me greatly since then. Sister Susanne told me that the faith formation and journey of a daughter is heavily impacted by the faith and actions of their father. I will never forget that.
Second, the Prodigal Son. In particular how the father showers love upon his son upon his return. Imagine how his heart felt when his son originally left. He wasn't there to help when his son downward spiraled. You are.
Like I said, it sounds like you guys have already put down a great foundation. It may be time for her own faith journey to begin. The only thing we can do at this point is to be a great example and hope that the Father's love shines through and to shower them with love, even when it hurts.
I'll pray for you.
Thank you, Tim.
It would be an honor to know the details of your conversion. I remember you, your words, your feelings on God when we were in college. It has been a blessing to me to know that you have reconciled your questions, emotions and needs and come back, so to speak. Over the years, believe it or not, I have often thought of your trouble with some of God's words, at that time of your life.
Your prayers are coveted, and as I know first hand how the faith and actions of a father effect his daughter, I ask for your prayers from one man of God for my husband, another.
May your daughters seen in you our Father and His love.
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